Friday, 25 July 2014

Friday Smiles

Thought I'd give you all a smile this Friday


1. My mother taught me
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My father taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My father taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying,  and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times.
Don't exaggerate!"

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."

14. My mother taught me about
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it from your father
when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My father taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand.

25. My father taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you

OH yes I sure remember them.


Shaz in Oz.CalligraphyCards said...

Ah Chris... surely remember most of them if not all.. thanks for the smile... and for popping over too. Happy smile day Shaz in Oz x now very early Sat morning here... watching le tour on tv love it... and commenting on mobile. Shaz in Oz x

Annie said...

I remember them well....and the scary thing is I hear them coming out of my mouth from time to time :-)
Annie x

Bleubeard and Elizabeth said...

I remember my Grandmother (grands raised me) saying about the clean underwear. Today I would tell her it's not a problem, because I don't wear any (GRIN, or maybe TMI).

I laughed till my sides hurt over these. They are SO funny. I'm sure this one takes the cake (or prize) for the week.

Speaking of week, did you ever get my message a few weeks back that Bleubeard and I received your PIF ATC? I didn't hear back, so am not sure you got the message. I hope you get it today.

Bleubeard and Elizabeth said...

I just read your comment. That house didn't have a clothes line. In fact, my current house is the first I have that has one. And YES, I agree. Now that I have a clothes line, I love this main floor setup. The laundry room is only a few feet and TWO steps down from the laundry room to the outside. However, back then, I had no clothes line, but I did have a brand new, great dryer. I probably wouldn't have found time to hang clothes on the line, anyway.

Ali H said...

Oh how true !! But the scary thing is that I now think I am beginning to sound like my Mother !
Thanks for your WOYWW visit & kind words Ali #9

Judys Lace Creations said...

Yes so funny these old sayings.Thanks for reminding me.

tilly said...

isn't it amazing how we now say the same things....... and mean them !!!! lol thanks for the smile

Robyn Oliver said...

I read these out to hubby and we agreed - we've heard them often and it's so ridiculous the extent we go to get frustrations out. Happy smiles, cheers Chris and have a lovely week, Robyn

Eliza said...

I am so sorry I didn't make it to your desk this week until now but in a way I am now glad as I got to see this post. It has given me a really good laugh but I do have one to add. 'When you pull a funny face you better be careful the wind doesn't change direction otherwise you will stay that way'. Thank you so much for the words of wisdom from our parents, they must of come from the same area as mine, because it all sounded like my parents. Thank you again, it really has made my day, my mother passed away 7 years ago and I still miss her dearly but I still have my dad and love him to bits every single day.

Hugs Eliza & Yoda

Hettie said...

Eh? I know I commented on this last week as Hubby and I were having a good giggle. These are great and yes, I have repeated them in the past...usually to Hubby or the animals!